Daydream

Just wanted to let you know where my mind is. I am not sure why but this is calling to me. Sigh!!!!!!!! Enough with daydreaming.

Just me

I think that since no one reads this I am going to make it my personal forum to help me "get my feelings out". I am at work and it is a Monday morning. I used to like Mondays. A fresh new start to a new week but as I grow older I am not so eager for it to be Monday. My co-worker Heather is off today as is my boss. So I am holding the fort down with our accountant who is upstairs. It is still warm and mugging but I have an air conditioner so I am okay. It is going to be a dull and dreary day but we are blessed that hurricane Bill didn't hit as hard as people thought. I guess prayers were answered.

I went scrap booking this weekend. I was suppose to go Friday & Saturday but I was not well on Friday. Saturday started off the same but I forced myself to go. It started off slow but by supper time I was feeling okay. Amy, my other buddy was scrappin beside me. She is so sweet and so accepting of our friendship. I have had a hard time thinking I could be any ones friend with the attitude that I have had lately.

I just saw Julie and Julia. I loved it. I was impressed by the blogging that Julie did. I loved her acting and the fact that she was so dedicated to her example Julia Child. Meryl Streep was so good as Julia. It was altogether a great show. I would go and see it again which is a first for me. I went with my good friend Deb. She is such a great friend and an inspiration to me.

My heart is heavy with the lack of direction in my life. It seems the more anxious I get the more pounds that find me. I am at an all time high in my weight. Heavier than I was with any of my children. I know my children and Mike say I am great but I know that even they can see my weight growing. I thank them for overlooking the picture they see before them. I know that they love me because they can see me from the inside.

I so feel like I want to be anywhere but where I am. I am not sure where that feeling is coming from but it is there. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers and that I have the comforter with me. But, with all that is going wrong in the world both near and far, sometimes it is hard to feel. I am thankful for the positive examples before me, but I think my fibro fog is getting thicker or my excuses are getting stronger and stupider (if that is a word).

I am sorry for anyone who is reading this. It is where I am going to vent. Even over all that I feel I am going through I know that God lives and He knows me and He knows of my challenges. I also know that I have to open that door to feel of Him. I know that my Saviour is true and He did sacrifice Himself for me. I am sad that He went through such pain for the stupid things that I am going through right now. I love them and I am so grateful to belong to a church and to have a testimony as to the truthfulness of it.

Work is calling me. Ta ta for now.

It keeps comping back - Stronger & Harder

Hey there:

...and I am not talking about labor pains. Just a short note tonight to take out my frustrations with my dreaded fibryomyalgia. It has been getting a little worse all of the time. But the last few weeks have been the hardest. I was off today, my one of a very few Fridays to get ready to scrapbook. I was suppose to go and see my babies and my grand babies this weekend but had forgot I booked this weekend back in early summer. Anyway, I was so very excited to go and scrapbook my wonderful memories with my awesome friends.

Yesterday at work went fairly well. Actually better than the day before. I was hopeful for what the weekend would bring. I made Funeral Potatoes for the family. They turned out really great. I then started to get my pictures & papers ready. I was going to scrap all day and the actual scrap started at 6:00 p.m. I worked on my pictures and tried to get some more printed off. It got late so I thought I should go to be, actually David thought I needed to go to bed. Because it was late I didn't take my sleeping aids. I hated waking early and being groggy or cranky. I went to bed, the heat was tremendous, and of course I couldn't sleep. I got my book and read until I thought I could drift. Putting down my book I realized I had to pee so I went and when I came back I was...you guessed more awake. I was in much pain so I took something for it and read some more. Dad got up around 3 to go to the bathroom and I thought this night was never going to end.

I picked up my book and went down to dad's chair are read for the rest of the night. I had to take Dad to work and by this time I would barely walk. Every inch of my body hurt. I dropped dad off and cried most of the way home. What a dreaded hurtful disease. I really don't have the right to complain as there is so much more dreadful events hitting homes and family of people that I love and people I don't even know.

I tried to get ready to go to Deb's but I just could hardly move so I sat down and ate a bowl of Cheerios. After that I tried again and ended up back in bed for a few minutes. Then I couldn't stand it so I took my sleeping aids and tried to get some sleep before scrapping. I slept probably an hour or so. Without my scrappin stuff I went over Deb's and I was me by my road buddy and a big smile and a hug. Isn't it strange how small acts of kindness can help make one feel much better that 12 Tylenol & Excedrine. Thanks Amy. I stayed for awhile and talked with my dear friend Deb. She has been with me through so much and she is still there for me. Most of the time I don't feel like I have much to give her. But...I do luv her so much.

I can remembering being with others with this dreaded disease and some of them were almost bedridden. I said I am not going to be like that. They just must not want to get up and head into "life". I now know how they were feeling. Do I still want to head right out into "life"? You betcha. More than ever. Maybe now just a little slower.

Sorry for sounding pessimistic in this. Sometimes I just want you to know how I feel and this is one of those days. Count your blessings that I haven't gone on about for the last could of "really" bad weeks.

Much luv and hope your days continue to be HAPPEE.

Time Goes By Fast

Hi everyone:

I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote on my blog. There has not been very much happening so I guess that is why. The biggest story in Riverview, New Brunswick is the heat. We are just not used to this. At times I am glad (when I am at work with an air conditioner) and at times I hate the heat. You know, the kinda heat that makes the sweat roll down your back and your forehead. Yuck!

I have been trying to make Funeral Potatoes for David for weeks and it has been too hot. So...I bit the bullet tonight and made it anyway. It smells really good.

I have tomorrow off and I am going scrapbooking. I can hardly wait. I think I am working on my Hawaii pictures. Either that or Salt Lake City, 1st trip. Yes you heard me right. I am very slow at scrapping those trips, especially when I have 2 adorable grandbabies. I have to get ready tonight so I will just have to put the layouts together tomorrow.

Dad is doing well. He hates the heat and has not been sleeping very well. When we get our new windows, maybe in 10 years time, we will get an air conditioner.

Miss all of you and luv you tons. I hope you have a very happee weekend. Stay away from Nova Scotia. They will probably be hit hard. I hope they have their 72 hour packs done and storage for time needed.

Anyway, see you soon.

Great Weekend

I have started with a picture from last weekend. This one is Dustin, Sariah & Jenn is the pool. Dustin swims like a fish and Sariah just loves the water. Jenn love water as well. So they had a great time. More pictures will come.

I went back to work on Aug. 4th. Another 4 day week. Yeah!! It pretty quiet and I got tons of stuff done. It was warm and muggy. Heather was on her vacation and Pat is only there time. Bruce has been out since Tuesday afternoon. His daughter is have her tonsils taken out and it is harder at this age. Friday was just me. It is quiet and didn't hold much incentive. But I still worked hard. Robb, Aliss and Sariah are coming down for the weekend. I am excited. Robb & Aliss is going to the temple with Mike and get to do some bonding time with my dear Sariah.

I didn't know that the grand babies didn't come without Nanny and Grampy manuals. You would think that after the years of wanting them for parents much desire for one grandparents, that there would actually be one. Explain to me - how does on make that magical cereal they call cereal. What should the actual consistences be. Sariah loved it. I guess she didn't care. She has fruit and some snacks that she had. Some good for adults, some not go good for adults. All that matters is my Sariah loved them. Her favourite activities through the day were eating, going the upstairs 8 meter sprint. Rules were that nanny's have to run up, did I mention on had & knees and find little Sariah ( or your grandchild). As you come to them you must squeal with excitement and let them do this rest. How joyful. Or it can be after the first 20 times. The rules say that you must keep going until the child has been worked out and hopefully she didn't wear you out. Sariah also loves good movies. She was watching School Musical one & two. I love it and since it was G rated, Sariah watched with me. She danced so much and her laugh went deep into my heart. These are what you call memories to hug on to. Then we went for a walk and to the ScrapShack where we met Amy & Deb. Sariah showed no fear but then why should she. These are my scrapping friends. We stayed for awhile until the two big Shamus and almost all of the bears in Debs living room. Not to mention blueberries, she loved them. Although I know they were both busy, they took time for me to show off or rather for Sariah to show off. We then did something that my heart fell in love with but I can't share that with you. At least of not this time. We found out that Miss Molly has not been feeling very well. My heart and prayers go out to Amy, Molly & family. GET WELL MOLLY!!

In too many short hours, Aliss, Robb and my sweetie were home. Nanny's days of watching Sariah was over. How I wished that I was more forceful when Dustin came to stay with his other grandparents. I know of many times I didn't know he was here in Moncton, but I should have tried to have him over more and not just for a few sleepovers. I am so very blessed to have an amazing grandson and a wonderful granddaughter. I love the time to be with them and I pray that my health will not make that harder. I would be so very sad.

I loved having my son & daughter her from Fredericton. I wish that Jenn, Marc & Dustin could have come down Thanks Jackie for dropping in is only for a few minutes. We miss Addie & Jay being here for family things but we are excited that they might be home soon. Keep you fingers crossed. I wish that David will more comfortable being with people so he can be more involved with us.We couldn't not mention our American daughter, Janet (adopted from her mission here) and her dear husband Ray. Little Blaze is still and forever will be part of their family. Wishing they lived closer so we could have activities together.

My biggest prayer is that the trial that each of you are feeling at this time in your life will grow small with ever passing day. It might never go away but it might get more manageable to handle.

All my love to all of you. Hope your week be HAPPEE and may you take time to breath and to acknowledge the make of all things (Marc - I am not speaking of your man hut).

Much Luv,

T

It was hard to be waving bye as it is to all of children

Thanks for listening my my

Home Again, Home Again

Vacation is over. What do I have to say about that? I say "DANG". It went much too fast and the only thing I have to show for it is many memories and very sore arms and shoulders.

I enjoyed the time I spent with my dad. My heart hurt during the times he had such a hard time breathing. My heart hurt when he talked badly about the church. But I look at him with so much love and admiration. We had some heart to heart that didn't involve the church which was nice. I wish I lived nearer so I could visit him everyday.

I enjoyed the time I spent with my sister, Heather and her family. She is such a hard worker that she puts me to shame. She does so much for so many with not a thought for herself. I thank her for getting me into shorter pants. I thank her for the many meals she cooked. I hope she has a great vacation this week and I hope you have lots of cuddle time with Riley when you get back. Good luck with teens with attitudes.

I enjoyed the time with Jenn & my sweetest Dustin. They were able to come up and visit for a couple of days. The days were hot pool days and Dustin made the BEST of them. He is swimming like a fish. Jenn really enjoyed it as well. I loved playing with Dustin in the pool. Yes, you read me right. I went into the pool to swim. We had a great time. I love you Jenn & Dustin. Thanks for spending the time with me.

I enjoyed the time with Robb, Aliss and dearest Sariah. Robb worked most of the time. Doesn't feel like I was able to spend very much time with him. I did spend time with Aliss. I love her and she is such a gentle sweetheart. She so silently has become a very large part of our family. I love the way she takes care of Robb and Sariah. I am grateful for the constant studying she does in order to do the best for her family. My little Sariah and I spent some time in the pool together. She loves Dustin and loved him playing with her. She looked sooooo sweet in her little bathing suit that Aunt Jackie gave her. (got pictures, will post). I was able to keep her a couple of times and sing her to sleep. My children are such a great joy and my grandchildren are such an addition to that.

Although I made all of those memories, the one I missed most is having my sweetheart spending it with me. I missed him so much, especially on Wednesday night when I couldn't reach him. My heart was terrified something happened when I couldn't get in touch with him but he was nicely asleep in dreamland. Mike, I hope you enjoyed it. I love him and am grateful for him.

Well, I am sitting her sweating. It is so hot in this room so I think I will go and get Dad to take me for a drive (air conditioning). Love to all of you.